So last night I had a dream. In my dream, JoyAnna just stood up and walked. It was sooooooo real. Her surgeries were all completed in the dream and she had her braces on her feet and she was walking! This was such an encouragement to my heart as her Mom. I was shouting..."Arise and Shine JoyAnna! Arise and Shine!" Wow!
"Will she ever walk?"...this is one of our number one questions that people ask us each day. And you know what??? I don't have the answer to that, but God does. God knows. I would LOVE to shout out, "YES! OF COURSE!"...to answer those questions, but I can't do that. I would love to think that after all that she's been through, that God is grooming her to be able to walk. That would be the coolest testimony to His healing of this precious little girl. But what if.....what if this whole process and all the people that we have seen and interacted with during these last 1.5 years...the Dr's...the surgeons, the nurses, the anesthesiologists, the receptionists, the physical therapists, the other hospital patients, the folks at David's House, the folks at Molly's Place.....ALL of them....what if this was all for them to meet JoyAnna, to hear about the plight of the orphans in Bulgaria and other places, and to have their eyes opened?? Is it still worth it? Could this really be God's plan?? The answer is "Yes". "Oh most definitely YES!"....
So right now JoyAnna is in surgery and Jon and I are hanging out and waiting. The waiting is hard. The unknown is always hard. The waiting is scary, to...the what ifs can be plaguing to me. I think other people here are feeling this same way....the air is heavy here...heavy with anticipation....wondering....prayer...most definitely lots of prayer...some tears...much emotion, lots of brokeness. Brokeness of families, relationships. You can see it in their eyes.
I'm thankful as I sit here...thankful for so many things....thankful for my family back at home, that are able to fill in for me while I'm gone...thankful for my Jonnie Boy...my pal...my "CHAD buddy"...who likes to be paid in poptarts for his services! :) :) Just today, as I was explaining to the anesthesia team about JoyAnna and her orphanage and her past, one of the women who knows us already said..."That Jon, he's such a blessing isn't he?"..."Yes"...he is. I love him so much! Thankful for my hubby...my hard working Mr. Steady hubby. Oh how I love him. I miss him so much when I'm here.
We'll be here for many days as JoyAnna recovers. We are praying for a better pain management plan than last time. Yes, I will be here for Mother's Day....Does that make me any less a mother or any more a hero?? Nope..it doesn't...it's just going to be different, that's all. Just plain different...not bad...just different.
Glenn is giving the message at our church Sunday. Mother's Day. The topic of his message: "Little is Much When God is in it!" Such power in those words...such truth. Elisha and Nicole are going to hand out flowers to all of the ladies there in honor of the special day. I would LOVE to be there. I've cried a bunch already about not being able to be there. And yes, I've thrown myself a big ole pity party about it...but God reminded me of something.....God reminded me that for months Glenn and I have been praying for divine scheduling, for JoyAnna, for our adoption and travels, and for our family. So....God reminded me that He's in charge of my schedule and He will have me RIGHT where He wants me on this Mother's Day. Right here at CHAD where I'm sitting right now. This is our mission field as of late. We spend a GREAT deal of time here. It's time to bloom where we are planted!
Now don't go feeling all sorry for me or anything. Lord willing, Glenn is going to be bringing the other kiddos up here that afternoon and he hopes to take us out to dinner here that evening. That will be a blessing! A big one!
Of course I miss my Mom as Mother's Day approaches, too. I miss her soooooo much. I miss her smile and her listening ear.
I was just writing back and forth with a friend and we were talking about our special needs children and the cry of our hearts for them and the wonderings we have about their future. Life can be hard....life can be tough....I cry a lot. Mostly every day for one reason or another...some tears happy and joyful, and some scared and tired and discouraged.
God is my encourager, though, and He's always reminding me of this. This morning in my devotion time I read John 16:32-33. I was reminded that I am NOT to be discouraged even in trials and tribulations, because God has overcome the world! He's got this! Oh how my enemy hates when I am reminded of this!
On the way over this morning in the van, we were listening to the Casting Crowns cd: Thrive. One of my favorite songs on that CD is Just Be Held. I LOVE it! It's truly a song about me.....
"Hold it all together, everybody needs you calm"
"Then life hits you out of no where and barely leaves you holding on"
"When you are tired of fighting, chained by your control"
"There is freedom in surrender, lay it down and let it go"
"When you're on your knees and answers seem so far away"
"You're not alone stop holding on and just be held"
"Your world's not falling apart it's falling into place"
"He's on the throne stop holding on and just be held"
So that's my theme for this very different mother's day and mothering season I'm in right now...
Just be Held. I'm going to let go and just be held.
Thank you Jesus...
Thank you....
I promise to keep you posted!
